Caregiver Insights

Dealing with Challenges

Taking Away the Car Keys

One of the great events as we grow up is getting our first driver’s license. It is a rite of passage that creates opportunities for independence and freedom. Most of us rely on and cherish this freedom throughout our lives.

But dementia is a progressive and smothering disease that requires driving privileges be terminated before harm comes to the person with the disease or others. And when people begin to realize that dementia may darken their future, the thought of losing their right to drive is one of their most threatening fears. It is tacit evidence that independence will be lost and their lives will change forever. Devastating.

The pain is compounded by their honest belief that nothing significant within them has changed. Sure, they don’t remember some things, but that happens to every aging person. Anger can flare because they don’t understand why they are being singled out. And the anger can spread to us, their caregivers, because we never wanted to be in this position either. Why do we have to be the one who tells someone we love dearly that they can no longer do what everyone else can do? This is heartbreaking and terribly difficult.

There is a solution – sort of. Make sure that their PCP or the person who administers the memory examination confirming dementia tells your loved one that driving is no longer an option. Professionals with authority make a difference. Now that memory decline has been established, any driving mishap that is caused by the person with dementia will have long lasting consequences for their family. They will be liable for any health or property damages that might occur. So, even if an accident is unlikely or is caused by someone else, the risks of driving are prohibitively great.

The loss of driving privileges can be offset by our promise to be available to drive our loved ones to activities and events they want to attend and by engaging friends or paid companions to chauffeur them around in our absence.

Surprisingly, while the loss of driving privileges is traumatic initially, it is remarkable how soon this volatile issue can fade away. As dementia progresses, each stage of the decline tends to create a new reality. In less than two years, Gayla claimed that she had never had a driver’s license. She always had other people available to take her wherever she wanted to go. She was comfortable not having that responsibility. Unfortunately, as old issues like this are resolved new issues appear to ensure that the dementia journey is bumpy. Be contented that things are not worse.

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