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Self-doubt
Everyone knows that caregiving for people with dementia is selfless and demanding, and they respect caregivers for enduring challenges that are never- ending. So, why do we often doubt ourselves? More importantly, what can we do to reduce that self-doubt?
We know we are experiencing one of the most difficult periods of our lives. And when we attend support group meetings, we find that some caregivers are facing even greater difficulties. We are naturally empathetic and marvel at their tenacity. Yet, when we return to our own exhausting routines, we frequently question whether we are doing enough. How could we do a better job? Why do frustrations, sleeplessness, grief, and loneliness keep mounting? Why do episodes of resentment and anger reappear and make things seem even worse?
The answer is something we need to repeatedly remind ourselves. We are humans who have been tasked with a job that is incredibly difficult. Even if we could do everything perfectly (which of course is impossible), we would still struggle as the illness progresses. This is the reality that we must accept. But while we cannot win our war with dementia, we can bring safety, connection, love, and gentleness into the journey. When we change our personal expectations to align with the realty that mistakes are inevitable and perfection is impossible, the threat of self-doubt declines.
Fortunately, there are several coping strategies that can help improve our caregiving experience.
Accept that we can take responsibility for some things, but we cannot change memory loss, disease progression, or personality changes.
Know that we can love and care, but we are not in control.
Be honest and objective. Self-doubt comes from emotions rather than facts.
Don’t idolize the “ideal” caregiver. Be realistic. If a close friend was handling this situation as you are, would you think they were failing?
Continue to learn. The more you know, the better you understand.
Escape isolation to improve perspective and reduce self-criticism.
Connect with other caregivers. This will confirm that your concerns are normal.
Go to support groups to gain more knowledge and a healthier perspective.
Keep a caregiving journal. It is cathartic, educational, and provides a balanced picture.
Compliment yourself on your successes and keep a record as a reminder.
Find a way for regular breaks, respite care, exercise, sleep, and social connection. These help with renewal, effectiveness, and peace of mind.
Listen to people who have experience with caregiving, but take advice from others lightly, if at all.
Speak with a medical professional if these suggestions do not improve your self-confidence and self-respect.
Self-doubts are frequent among people who care deeply, but we should also pay more attention to taking care of ourselves. These coping strategies will help us improve on that.
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