Caregiver Insights
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Finding Life Balance
We all face times when dementia caregiving becomes overwhelming. Grief begins earlier in the journey than we expect it. As the illness runs its course, the feeling of slowly losing someone who is still physically present is painful. Caregivers are guided by long-term realities and never-ending obligations. While it seems that many of our friends are living relatively carefree lives, our stress and exhaustion can fester and grow. Here are some ideas about how to cope:
Gratitude
It is not easy to overcome negative thoughts that surface during the journey, but the ability to do so is the key to recapturing some normalcy and balance in our lives. This is a process that we can start by relishing the many experiences we have been grateful for throughout our lives. Think about positive things rather than focusing solely on the challenges we currently face. As the Dalai Lama observed, the purpose of life is happiness. And happiness is not determined by our circumstances; it’s driven by our attitude. Having a positive attitude is a choice that we alone control.
Values
We also can rethink the way we view our caregiving responsibilities. In happy marriages, partners do not focus on “what is best for me?” They focus on “what is best for us?” “What is best for us” builds unity, harmony and happiness, while “what is best for me” encourages competition and discord. Understanding this distinction can help us as caregivers. Our decision to be conscientious caregivers (care companions) is not just to fulfill an obligation, it’s a choice we make to express our core values. Giving to someone we care about and love is fulfilling.
But, while deeply felt love is a huge advantage in caregiving, it is not required. Caregivers are driven by other core values like compassion, commitment, integrity, and responsibility. The person we care for deserves safety and dignity. By supporting someone close to us and in need, we are more likely to reinforce our self-respect and achieve personal fulfillment. We deserve to feel good about the contributions we are making.
Expectations
With gratitude and conscientious caregiving as our foundation, we can set personal goals and expectations that conform to the reality of dementia. Unrealistic expectations are among the greatest causes of grief and unhappiness. Neither we nor our loved ones invited dementia into our lives. All we can do is accept this reality and live with it up to our abilities. What matters is enduring love, compassion and safety. Perfection in caregiving is impossible. We should forgive ourselves when we come up a little short. We’re human. It’s inevitable.
Take a Break
Acknowledging gratitude, being conscientious caregivers, and setting realistic personal expectations help us find a better life balance, but caregiving will never cease being hard work. When possible, we should take breaks from caregiving. Change our routine. Respite care, in which caregivers periodically take at least one over-night away, can be truly rejuvenating. If family or friends are not an option, check with local memory care facilities.
Support
Asking for help is a sign of awareness and intelligence, not a sign of weakness. Explain to family or friends, “I’m trying to avoid burnout, and I know I can’t do this alone. Could we talk about how you might be able to help – even with some small things?” But self-care does not always require a large commitment of time. Small acts matter. A short walk, two minutes of deep breathing, or savoring a cup of coffee can be restorative.
The discipline we project by conscientious caregiving is inspiring to others as well as helpful to our loved ones. Continuing care is an act of love. We should take pride in what we do. As Vicktor Frankl discovered, love is the highest goal to which we can aspire. All conscientious caregivers are blessed with purpose and meaningful lives.
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Built by caregivers, for caregivers. We offer practical insights, compassionate community, and meaningful relief for every family walking the dementia journey — because no one should face it alone.
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